Wakala, apala

Somebody asked what a wakala is structure today.

We wafafa-ed it over to the Islamic department, and got them to do a brief 10-min explanation to us, and suddenly we're all experts on the subject.

And it isn't a structure per se, actually. It's a supporting arrangement whereby a transaction party is appointed as a wakeel, or agent for the purposes of carrying out the transaction under the relevant scope of duties allowed for in the various Islamic structures.

Damn good bullshitters orators we are, too.

No thanks to Competitor, the past 24 hours was a literal blur of kinetic energy. We got a leg up on them when we made some in-roads to the client, and they were on the phone complaining immediately after that we went over their heads.

I apologized, but hey, we won.

Ding!

My counterpart over there was incredibly brash and rude, to which I merely responded to by slowing down my speech and speaking in a more measured way. I don't care if you're a tidal wave, you'll still break when you hit a wall.

Nothing like a soothing picture to take your mind off overbearing scum of the earth.

Macchiavelli, Where Art Thou?

I don't understand why I always get assigned on joint deals with our competitor. Some people can go years without doing one, and I've already got 3.

It's a competition on who talks to client first, who manages to get the client's trust, selling our soul just to get on the inside. I reckon by the time I leave this place, I'd have gotten a lesson in strategy and the art of warfare as well.

Job Scope

• Engaging in defensive and offensive (and sometimes subversive) tactics to cement perception of undisputed leadership

The other day I had a pretty stupid question and I called a regulator because I couldn't be bothered to sift through thousands of pages of guidelines. Regulator was pissed, and asked where I was from. Uh oh, possible trouble. Confidently, I gave the name of my competitor.

That was all it took to make our team's day.

I No Gib You Chicken Chop Next Time

I busted chops this morning all by myself to get the material ready for the meeting

and then

they tell me it's cancelled.

bloody devil spawn of a deal.

Next time I ain't giving you no chops of mine. Fillet will do.

Oh Tuhan, Mengapa Dunia Ini Begitu Kecil?

These tax dudes are getting incredibly efficient nowadays. They should give a crash course to the rest of the other government departments, oh wait, I forgot, tax dudes are incentivised to treat us well.


It took me less than 3 hours to get my online tax filing pin number. Quite a large amount of time was spent composing the email request because my Malay has gone to the dogs. Request = permintaan took ten minutes.


Then my team head came to me with his IC and asked me to scan it for him. Adakah aku nampak macam orang gaji anda?!?!
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My ex is now dating someone else. If only that someone else wasn't from the same university as us, if only we weren't all acquaintances in the same (large) pool back then.

My skin started getting crawly all over. Not disgust or anything, she's seems sweet and nice, but just.... weird. If I used to sleep with him, and he's now sleeping with her, am I linked to her somehow?

I texted him.

I'm really happy for you, but remember our NDA.

What NDA?

Non-disclosure agreement.

He sent back a joking reply. Eh, I am not joking la. I may not be running for public positions anytime soon, but I know you will be honourable and let whatever was between us remain that way, or I will hunt you down and hack you to pieces very nicely remind you not to. :)

Sekian, terima kasih tuan-tuan dan puan-puan.

Technology Can Be Such A Pain

I'm already wiped out with back to back work, meetings, meetups, squeezing in desperate studying and major family obligations lately.

Now it appears I'm technologically wiped out too.

No matter how much I tried, the Visual Basic code just wouldn't work and stubbornly stayed yellow. (if a code is highlighted, it means there's a mistake)

I prayed. I bleated. I shook fists at the heavens. I threatened suicide.

Actually I just forgot to insert 'Range'.

On another note, Ace Gang now conducts weekly training, and assigns homework for the staff to complete. I'm all for learning and all that, but don't you think 19 questions is seriously pushing it?

Somebody thinks he has a sense of humour.

...................

Somebody is OBVIOUSLY wrong.

Yours Fake One Ar?

My big boss loves watches.

He buys fake watches on occasion.

(his Rolex is real though)

So he bought a fake Panerai.

(I didn't know what a Panerai was until my friend bought a fake and said he only bought it cos the original was so expensive)

(btw the big boss of my big boss has an original Panerai)

Anyway, one day my big boss attends an event on behalf of the company. Over the meal, the round lid of the fake Panerai watch popped out and went rolling across the table.

Masa my colleague was cerita-ing the story over lunch, we were all rolling everywhere too.

With pure, hearty, splitting laughter.

Also known as 'ketawa gila babi'.

I'd Give A Little Bit If...

See the man with the lonely eyes,
Take his hand, you'll be surprised.

I miss you at times. But we can't have the 'never was'.
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We're sitting in the swanky glass conference room listening to a young management consultant (you know those MBA types) go on and on about this new model that the company is going to implement.

I could see my colleague two seats away with a furrowed brow, staring at the huge projector screen like she couldn't figure something out. Me too.

Turns out we both spent the whole afternoon individually wondering how the heck Mr oliver wyman managed to draw big red circles over the Powerpoint presentation while it was in full screen mode.

What model? Huh?

The answer is - While its in full screen mode, right click and modify pointer options to 'red'. You can even adjust thickness of the marks you make for blind old bats' viewing ease.