boo boo

Uh oh. Our daily research brief gave a nasty nasty write up on a certain company, and ended with saying,

"We are ceasing coverage on XX Berhad"

NOT. good. news.

Within the hour, my boss got a call from one of the managing directors, a personal friend of his.

*i sink lower in chair, don't want to be seen, pretend i don't know anything*
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My colleague who shares a cubicle with me is actually quite an eligible young man, except that he annoys me like heck sometimes. He prefers to dispose of his rubbish and empty teh tarik plastic drink packets in MY rubbish bin instead of his own, which works perfectly fine.

shit hitteth the fan

in the form of the client screaming that they wanted their documents yesterday.

that resulted in the following chain of events

Big Boss got Shat on
-->
Bi.g Boss Shat on Two Smaller (but still big) Bosses
-->
Two Smaller (but still big) Bosses Shat on (no surprise there), ME.

At 1am, when everyone was tired after being shat on all day, the last we wanted to do was debate over some incomprehensible Islamic concept which didn't make sense from a commercial perspective.

I wished I could skewer the people who just were nit-bloody-picky, but those people were the Syariah advisers. I'd be in serious violation of Islamic principles.

Wakala, apala

Somebody asked what a wakala is structure today.

We wafafa-ed it over to the Islamic department, and got them to do a brief 10-min explanation to us, and suddenly we're all experts on the subject.

And it isn't a structure per se, actually. It's a supporting arrangement whereby a transaction party is appointed as a wakeel, or agent for the purposes of carrying out the transaction under the relevant scope of duties allowed for in the various Islamic structures.

Damn good bullshitters orators we are, too.

No thanks to Competitor, the past 24 hours was a literal blur of kinetic energy. We got a leg up on them when we made some in-roads to the client, and they were on the phone complaining immediately after that we went over their heads.

I apologized, but hey, we won.

Ding!

My counterpart over there was incredibly brash and rude, to which I merely responded to by slowing down my speech and speaking in a more measured way. I don't care if you're a tidal wave, you'll still break when you hit a wall.

Nothing like a soothing picture to take your mind off overbearing scum of the earth.

Macchiavelli, Where Art Thou?

I don't understand why I always get assigned on joint deals with our competitor. Some people can go years without doing one, and I've already got 3.

It's a competition on who talks to client first, who manages to get the client's trust, selling our soul just to get on the inside. I reckon by the time I leave this place, I'd have gotten a lesson in strategy and the art of warfare as well.

Job Scope

• Engaging in defensive and offensive (and sometimes subversive) tactics to cement perception of undisputed leadership

The other day I had a pretty stupid question and I called a regulator because I couldn't be bothered to sift through thousands of pages of guidelines. Regulator was pissed, and asked where I was from. Uh oh, possible trouble. Confidently, I gave the name of my competitor.

That was all it took to make our team's day.

I No Gib You Chicken Chop Next Time

I busted chops this morning all by myself to get the material ready for the meeting

and then

they tell me it's cancelled.

bloody devil spawn of a deal.

Next time I ain't giving you no chops of mine. Fillet will do.

Oh Tuhan, Mengapa Dunia Ini Begitu Kecil?

These tax dudes are getting incredibly efficient nowadays. They should give a crash course to the rest of the other government departments, oh wait, I forgot, tax dudes are incentivised to treat us well.


It took me less than 3 hours to get my online tax filing pin number. Quite a large amount of time was spent composing the email request because my Malay has gone to the dogs. Request = permintaan took ten minutes.


Then my team head came to me with his IC and asked me to scan it for him. Adakah aku nampak macam orang gaji anda?!?!
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My ex is now dating someone else. If only that someone else wasn't from the same university as us, if only we weren't all acquaintances in the same (large) pool back then.

My skin started getting crawly all over. Not disgust or anything, she's seems sweet and nice, but just.... weird. If I used to sleep with him, and he's now sleeping with her, am I linked to her somehow?

I texted him.

I'm really happy for you, but remember our NDA.

What NDA?

Non-disclosure agreement.

He sent back a joking reply. Eh, I am not joking la. I may not be running for public positions anytime soon, but I know you will be honourable and let whatever was between us remain that way, or I will hunt you down and hack you to pieces very nicely remind you not to. :)

Sekian, terima kasih tuan-tuan dan puan-puan.