Some Were Meant To Watch The World From Windows

Some were meant to color history, engrave their names in time.

Others were meant to watch the world from windows, with a passion as great as those fighting their wars in the world, but for the heavy weight that holds them captive. Leaning on the ledge, promises of glory and honour entice the wary observer, the ultimate reward for the brave.

Between jump and don't jump, doing it and not doing it, therein lies all the difference in the world. There may be harm in action, but worse outcomes stem from errors of omission and inaction. The omission may be simple, easily overlooked, underestimated, even. But for want of a nail, the battle was lost.

~Written by me, April 2008~

I have been here almost three years. I've stumbled badly, scraped the proverbial knee, but with the help of a close-knit clique here, I learned to laugh when things were going wrong. The people here became my anchor; for better or worse, I grew attached to them.

Because of my mother's experiences, I learnt never to stray too far from the sidewalk in case I got hurt.

But because I met these people, I learnt that it's okay to hurt. I watched their world from my window, hoping to learn from them. And I did, many a lesson they taught me. Over time, they taught me to be brave.

Over time, I learnt that watching the world from windows meant I might learn from example, yet be deprived of the experience.

In the time I was still trying to find my footing on the window ledge, Superhero guided me gently, letting me run on my own, yet always being near so he could prop me up when I stumbled. Mata Hari taught me not to take things so seriously, and Babi Guling toughened my sensitive hide with the most god-awfully demoralizing jokes.

The time seems to have come to leave the comfort and shelter of the window ledge. It helps that there is someone down below, someone I've recently met, beckoning to me. I don't know that person well, but I'm energized by his belief in me, that I am ready and this is something I can do.

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I've gone through enough in these 25 years to know that because I'm a person, not a machine, I need time to heal. So I got up, said my goodbyes with a smile, and left. Pointless to stick around when you're feeling awkward. Unlike most girls, I don't need a guy to buffer me or back me up in situations like this. You're your own person, so fight your own fight.

But it still wasn't something I could stomach comfortably yet, so I left. It IS that simple. Being on this earth for so long, it's something I know will pass in time.

So I walked away thinking that everything happens for a reason, and someday, I'll be glad I learnt this now.