I have not slept properly for days. This is worse than anything I've been through before. 3 hours a night for 3 consecutive nights is painful. By the time the 4th night came, I was literally passing out at my desk.
Went back to office every day this weekend, and as I type this, I have one more two-pager company note to finish when I get home. Then its on to preparing myself for the presentation.
I decided not to go back to his place for dinner, perhaps I need some time alone. To stay on the ball, stay focused. I dreamt last night that I had a son together with him. And the kid was so freaking cute. Only thing, it was just me and my kid in the dream, with everyone visiting me. He was noticeably absent.
Woke up and mentioned it to him, and he brushed it off saying "Not ready for it for awhile." and rolled back to sleep.
Well, not that I'm ready for it either. But I know I want a family, and the brushing off felt a bit *dot dot dot*. So yeah. My biological clock tis ticking. I plan to have a family by 30 or 31. No rush, but yeah. No pressure, but yeah. Sometimes it just feels so live in the moment with him. Though honestly when it all first started it really was live in the moment. Now you think twice. You realize you ain't getting any younger. And the hours you work means its impossible to widen your social circle. Gulp. Old maid. Gulp. Haha. I'm having fun freaking myself out.
I need a family to keep me grounded. Sane. My family is insane so the solace you get from them can be a bit insane at times. My mother's solution to my fatigued and stressed nights is to buy me few hundred dollar health supplements which I'm not even sure are FDA-approved or not.
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