Blue eyes.
Either I must be suffering from what must be the worst PMS bout in history or I've mentally completely shut down.
-----------------------
What items, if any, should one keep for remembrance?
Remembrance, is a sad word. It implies never again, not any more, whatever it is that you want to remember has reached the end a long time ago. Bittersweet, I think. The sort of thought that hits you 20 years down the line as you take your evening walk, and you tilt your head to one side, wondering why on earth this surfaces after so long. The sort of thought that makes you wonder, again and again. If things didn't turn out the way they did, what, you wonder, could have happened?
Remembrance is a heavy word too. Too much remembrance leaves you stuck, unable to move on. You're stuck midway between your new life and your old one, unable to free yourself.
There are many things that I have not stopped missing or remembering.
But I don't need items. The memory of it all is still fresh and clear as if it was yesterday. I suspect I was an elephant in my past life.
You know the times I keep saying "Can't remember?". Hah. 80% of the time its because I don't want anyone to know I cared enough to remember. The other 20% is if I made a mistake and don't want to own up. :D
-------------------------------
On the eve of the second most important event in my work life, I feel absolutely empty. I don't know what I've done again to get this far. I have a house, compared to a year ago. But have I truly made an impact in the world? Much as I hope so, I don't think my smarmy little report is even going to make a dent in the passage of time.
Hence why I'm squirreling all the money I can (well except for the splurge on Europe). Because I don't want to get addicted to earning all this money. In the end, I'd have nothing to show for this life except a Ferrari. Miserable with a Ferrari. Might as well end my life right now.
Losing myself. Not funny. Nice house ain't gonna help cut it either.
Fuck. Dreading the preparation I have to do tonight when all I wanna do is listen to Cowboy Casanova and stick pins into people, or listen to Blue Eyes and churn up the longest sobfest in history.
Yeah, I think it's PMS.
---------------------------
Just checked Facebook and another primary school friend is married.
Shucks. It's just the competitive spirit in me absolutely can't take it, nothing else. LOL.
No comments:
Post a Comment