No Horning Please

Today, I will be 2 weeks and 1 day old at my new company. What I know now that I didn't then -

1. CAGR is pronounced 'kay-ger'

2. You're fucked if you speak with a shaking nervous voice

3. You're even more fucked if you don't speak at all

4. That the coffee maker named Jura in the pantry isn't some cheap machine made in China. It's Swiss, and very branded. Like, Harrods-branded.

5. How to value a company using the PE multiple. Serious, 2 weeks into this and my boss is

asking whether all my 3 models are ready.

6. That local banks are mostly crap, with the exception of a few

7. How to activate the alarm and lock all the doors because I'm one of the last few to leave at night

8. How to speak a different language. I am now significantly more proficient at speaking Excel than I was two weeks ago

9. The Amex Platinum gives you 50% off at all Shangri-la restaurants, dine-in only

10. How to get a pint of Haagen Dazs for 50% off at the abovementioned restaurants - Just order a pint, eat two scoops, pay the bill, then pick up the tub and stroll out, trying to maintain a nonchalant face by thinking "I am not cheap, I am not cheap, I CAN afford it, but I CHOOSE not to"

------------------------

I keep questioning why nowadays. Why this, why that? Why not this, why not that? Thats one of the few reasons why I like this job, cos I get to ask why like a pesky little 3 year old.

So I'm starting to question a few things.

Like everyday, when I drive through the Penchala tunnel at approximately 6:34am everyday. (If its anything later than 645am, I am not a happy camper because I don't get to grab the first strong coffee out of Jura) There's this yellow sign on the left, with a picture of a horn, and an X drawn over it.

I'm assuming we're not allowed to use the horn in the tunnel.

At 6:34am yesterday morning, curiousity got the better of me. So I pressed the horn.

Then I knew why. If I had wound down the bloody window while doing that, I might actually have driven out of the tunnel with one less eardrum.

what is..

If I don't post tomorrow, it would mean I'd have died.

Really.

For the past two weeks, I've been counting on half a bottle of wine a night just to put me to bed. The whole stress of starting a new job, plus the looming deadline, plus a whole alien living environment is enough to stress the shit out of anybody.

Today I walked into the apartment after another 15-hour shift and couldn't even be bothered to find a glass to pour the wine in - just drank straight from the bottle, like I'm practicing the drunken fist kung fu move.

I'm sure everyone's sick of my work-related meows but heck it, I'm meowwing anyway.

I worked through lunch just to get one of my models up and running - and after thinking I could take a short breather at 3pm, my boss ambles by and says

"You talk at the daily videoconference with Singapore tomorrow okay..."

My face literally crumples. Back at Bankerland, I NEVER was pushed this far this fast.

At the sight of my slack-jawed wide-eyed deer-in-headlights look, my boss responded, "Yeah.. just talk abit, okay? Hu hu hu..." and he actually chuckled at me freaking out before strolling away.

I stared stupidly at CPO Boy.

He just laughed.

----------------------------

I hate cheaters. And playboys. And guys who think they're all that. And those who actually have the balls to assume that girls are heartbroken for them.

There used to be a time I scoffed at guys like that. That was in high school. Then I moved on to college and uni and onward, and suddenly, guys like that seemed hot, somehow.

Well, just to tell you, I'm back in the high-school territory again.

I scoff you.

--------------------------

You know, the only upside I see in this is the prospect of regional travel - one that I never managed to undertake at Bankerland (in fact, as I tell people, I'd be lucky if I get to cross state lines!). The only silver lining is the frequent flier miles I can redeem so hopefully I get to go to London with him end of the year.

Yes, according to Eros Ramazzotti, whom I put on repeat nowadays, "What is life without a dream to hold?"

I love you and thank you for your support, dear. Never could have come this far without you.

Lillian Too and my allergies

My mother got me a Lillian Too compass - which works like just any other RM2.50 compass except the little fucker is shaped like a blue rat and doubles up as a keychain. "What do you think people would say if I walked around with a Lillian Too compass keychain, mum?" "It's for you to tell your auspicious direction...wherever you are..." "But I don't have to use it all the time right ? I hardly think sitting in the wrong direction during lunch is going to make me walk into a ditch or something.." "You never know..." she said ominously.

----------------------

I have now found out the source of me so-called eczema. After heading to the bf's over the weekend to stay, I realized the itches and red blotches subsided. Had a good non-scratchy weekend, but once I got back here to the apartment and sat down on a chair, I started scratching again.

"I know what is the cause - I suspect I'm allergic to properties worth less than 200k.."

'Pa pai' gila kaki aku ni.

Apakah prioriti hidup anda?

I was standing at the Shell petrol station along Jalan Semantan, preparing to swipe the credit card at the gas dispenser when I looked up and saw the CIMB advertisement plastered on the windows - "Apakah prioriti hidup anda?"

Yah, great question to ask at 930pm on a Tuesday.

It doesn't help that I don't know, too. I always thought I'd go for the highflying career. Not that I don't want it now, but I want a balance somehow too. Funny huh, if you told me last time I'd be within smelling distance of SG / HK / Europe roadshows, I'd have killed kittens just to get that job.

And now, with great infrastructure, office Blackberry Bold, remote access, team secretary who does nothing but schedule your appointments and book your trips / hotels, a driver and car that anyone who needs it can actually use (and not being requisitioned by some self-important higher-ups sitting and idling all day like at the old office) all I can do lately is eat sleep shit walk talk think about the bloody deadline for the report, and it gets worse when everyday I see other people getting grilled about their reports and all I can think about is "just at least kill me fast and painlessly please".

Boss aku pun kira garang jugak. But I suppose you just need to do your job, and talk like you have some matter between your ears. So far, I've been coming through, short and relatively painless articles, hope it lasts.

But the poor secretary gets the brunt of it, he called to give her a piece of his mind for not booking a flight for one our teammates that day. She of course blamed it on the teammate, but methinks he wasn't too forgiving.

Amber: Wahh... so how??

Me: Kena BBQ la, how...

Frankly I think she could get all her jobs done if she left slightly later, and not at 530pm on the dot. Can you believe she actually got me to help one of the other PAs look for a report in the cupboards while she quickly finished some matters on the phone and packed her bag??!

Priorities. There are good, and bad. But you know, its all relative. Telling your mother sorry she needs to stop freaking out because you purposely choose a high-paying job and actually do think of leaving the country just so you can avoid hearing her self-righteous and hypocritical sermons on 'being happy with what you have' and 'don't be bitter', is one of the rather thoughtless priorities to have actually divulged to her itself. However, all's said and done.

Maybe your mother might actually see that she needs to fix herself first before trying to fix her daughter, who, despite acknowledging she's emotionally handicapped, at least found a better way to make other people's lives better - by making piles and piles of money so other people can chill in the future.

On that note, my prioriti numero uno is to find my mother a partner. Anybody looking for a neurotic but elegant looking, pretty but with no sense of direction, 55 year old who could probably make a good intellectual sparring partner but absolutely hopeless at everything else? Ie, the 55 year old version of me? (Minus the sense of direction part, I'm Chief Navigator of the friggin clan)

Beat It

2010 is not about beating yourself up everytime you make a mistake.

The years past may have been about that, but 2010 is not. Because you will die, frankly and literally, if you beat yourself up everyday.

Who cares what other people think about you now? That you're young, inexperienced - you were warned coming in, weren't you? That some people have a decade more on you and the next 6 months is going to be tough on you.

I was told all that. But I never knew it could be this tough. I sleep to escape reality.

It's too early to tell though, whether I will love this job or not. It might just end up to be the painful learning curve talking at the moment.

Sometimes I ask myself why. Oh why did I choose the harder road? I could have stayed in my old job, cruised along, won accolades easily now and then (not that I'm boasting, but it really isn't that hard to shine when you're with a group of people who are content to stay where they are), probably focus on my personal life more, get married, I don't know.

But I had to know what's out there. Betul padan muka, kan. I can only hope that in a year's time when I'm looking back on this year, it will be one of satisfaction.

It is a wonder that news hasn't yet spread at the new firm about how inept I am. I never go into anything hoping someone will give me a break, maybe thats why I'm harder on myself. I have a big report due in 3 weeks, I call it the make-or-break report.

Somehow I just need to find the strength to pull this through.

Stress can be a curiously alienating thing. Evolving circumstances can be alienating too. I feel so alone sometimes and no amount of confessing or ranting can help. It's not fair to expect him to automatically know what I'm going through, but it would definitely be good to feel less... alone.

-------------------

I had a nap earlier, and I dreamt I was backpacking through Finland or Iceland. Sitting at the local coffeehouse of a small village, drinking steaming mugs of malt with my uncle who came backpacking with me. Bliss.

Then I woke up, and we all know what happens when you wake up from a nice dream. Especially if nice dreams only come once every century or so.

--------------------

I suspect I've got fucking eczema. Been scratching non-stop since I started work. And my legs look like a swarm of mozzies had an all-night Thanksgiving feast on them. I never have eczema! I'm not the sort of person eczema happens to, you get what I mean?! I'm not the sort of person pimple breakouts happen to, either! So what the fuck are you doing on my face! Sorry, just being a bimbo. I suspect my eczema is due to sunlight underexposure. Because I leave home when its still dark and return home when it's guess what? Dark! My only chance at photosynthesizing sunlight is during lunch hour - which at this new office is truly lunch HOUR and not lunch hours.

Kerjayaku

It feels like I just stepped off a cool chilled plane and walked right into a desert sandstorm. These few days, the world as I know it has literally been taken apart. Suddenly I'm right at the bottom of the food chain again. There's considerable (implied) pressure to prove myself, that I'm not some inexperienced idiot that nobody wants to listen to. Which just means I have to step up my game within these 3 weeks, or I'm toast. No, worse than toast. Burnt toast. Fresh into my first day, no scratch that, make it first two hours at work, I'm asked to attend a company briefing. Then today, the team was taken out to meet a client. When people ask me what I'm responsible for, I almost have to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing cynically. I have to tell them in the straightest face possible that I'm doing this and that, but oh maybe I forgot to mention I'm only a few days into this. Ha ha. I now have two Blackberrys. They gave me the latest model, the newer one than the personal one I have. I'm not awestruck really, giving you all these resources and assistance (admin and IT people ever ready to assist etc) just means they want you to ramp up your game, FAST. And that point is not lost on me, however thickheaded I might be at times. I've officially graduated into working 13 to 15 hours a day.

Say What, Kampuchea?

Cambodia was, in short, an escape. You had no idea people could live in such a different way just two hours flight away. A conversation the first day I arrived, while on the back of a tuk tuk -

Me: *points at a spired building in the distance* What is that?

Driver: That is what.

Me: What? No... WHAT.. what is that? *stabs finger in that direction*

Driver: *looks at me patiently like how I look at people who can't speak English* That is what.

After a few volleys back and forth, I realized he was saying, "That is 'wat'." Temple.

Tiu.

Hired boatmen make USD10 running USD1600 boats owned by tour companies to Chong Khneas floating village. Kids of no more than 6 years old swarming you with their wares, calling out "Lady, buy from me postcard please, if you don't buy now, maybe you buy later after you finish temple...". Polite young children at the orphanage showing you their classroom and their home, while telling you about their studies in the Japanese and Chinese language in addition to English. When you ask why study so many languages, they say that it's because when they grow up, they can make more money as guides compared to those who can only speak English. Village children come running out of their wooden stilted houses when they hear the all-terrain vehicles coming down the dusty paths, not to beg for money, but just to give wide smiles and vigorous waving. European guys having happy hour drafts on Pub Street, eyeing a local Cambodian girl in modern wear strolling back and forth, possibly deliberating if she is a working girl.

That's the Cambodia most people see. They go back home with beautiful pictures, rave to their friends about how poor yet friendly the Cambodians are etc etc.

Don't get me wrong. The local populace is friendly, but there's more to this country. We don't see the corruption well kept under wraps, the little tensions between the many factions in the country (sometimes I think the foreign community hates Pol Pot more than the locals do), the blatant greediness of some locals ripping off the foreign tourists (The white guy paid USD35 for

his boat ride while I got mine for USD30). In fact, I don't like walking around the Old Market area when the night stalls are open because it's just a big blatant rip-off. Sure, I don't mind paying to help your standard of living, but just don't cross the line and charge more for something you sell to somebody else at a cheaper price.

But at the end of the day, we do what it takes to survive. And you can't hate someone for that.

----------------------------------------

I am sitting here chewing on some heavenly rolls from Haikara Style Cafe and Bakery, a quaint and adorable little establishment located in the ground floor of e-Tiara serviced apartments two doors down from Carrefour Subang. The smell of freshly brewed coffee greets you as you step into the little place with no more than 8 tables, and the Japanese couple that run it are friendly, the type of Japanese couple that will grow old in a very cute way. The food is fresh and good, with Western style meals and sandwiches / bread with a Japanese touch. The milk for the coffee comes in this little milk tin that is no bigger than a thimble. Look out for it.

The bread is a day old, and I'm eating it while at my recently disassembled and newly set up desk at my cousin's place, looking out into an unfamiliar scene, which happens to be about twenty families' balconies and their assorted junk displayed for the whole world to see.

I moved here yesterday. Much as I like new experiences and the out of the ordinary, I am very much a creature of habit. It was a relief to get out of the old place that I've been in for the past 3 years, the site of a few mistakes and lessons learnt. But it feels a bit like a fish out of water, being here at my cousin's place.

My mildly OCD nature propels me to examine every crack, hole and corner. Extend a finger to scratch at a dark patch to see what it is, sniff the pillows, open all the drawers, count the number of exits or openings in the house and try to block out the noise of the creaking fan. It will be awhile before I get used to navigating it with ease.

---------------------------

Standing on the edge of tomorrow, mildly PMS-ing and afraid. Reminding myself to go with the flow, except its a bit disorienting when u have no idea what or where the flow is.

Reminding myself again that because we're human and not god, we can't know.

Everybody looks at me and goes wahhh you're so damn lucky, making so much money, got good guy, i'm sure you can do it because that's just so you, damn maintain, yada yada.

If only they knew that sometimes I'm just closing my eyes and winging through life.

Welcome To The Adult Club

Sometimes I wonder, how much do we have to go through to rightfully become an adult. And it's definitely not number of years lived. Number of career changes? Neh, not if you're public slacker number one. Number of heartbreaks undergone? Possibly. But due to recent experiences, methinks all it takes is just for one full-fledged moving house exercise to make one grow up very very quickly.

The amount of affairs to sort out are mindboggling. It would have been easy to just call up some movers to come and dispose of the furniture, except I happen to have a major pack rat as a mother who insists that we keep almost everything. Personally I don't see the logic in keeping furniture that I inherited from my housemate, much less paying to keep it in storage for two months.

Even my old Motorola handphone, which after 3 years, had veritably been used to an inch of its useful life, was not spared my mother's glinty eye. I wouldn't protest much if she actually ended up using half of the stuff she kept, but the damn Motorola handphone is still sitting in one of her overflowing drawers at home. Apparently the keypad was too small to see. Which, I told her at the beginning when I wanted to throw it out! *exasperated*

But I relented in favour of my mother's myopic whims, and that's how I ended up getting slapped with a RM2,000 storage bill for furnitures most of which I didn't buy.

*looks sadly at credit card* *sniffs burnt aroma of singed plastic*

Now the only thing I have to do is suspend the Astro subscription for two months. And leave some doggie poop in the store room as a gift for my stick-up-the-arse landlord. Hehe, I kid, I kid.

--------------------------------

Cervical cancer injection. Now being contemplated to be provided free to young schoolgirls. But of course, they're only contemplating the first vaccination, Gardasil, whereas Cervarix, the second one, which gives more protection against more strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer, is not free.

Doctors think its best to vaccinate prior to initiating sexual activity for the first time, but of course you and I know that ship has long sailed.

But better late than never, as long as you make sure you continue going for regular Pap smears, as the vaccination only protects about 70% of the time.

A: Reminds me we are ageing.

Me: Yes, and precautions need to be taken. Vaccination is RM600 for 3 dosages over 6 months.

A: Man, its easier to be male.

Me: Not really. Hernia hurts like a bitch. :D

A: True. And getting kicked in the nuts. And there's prostate cancer.

------------------------

I got the EPF nomination confirmation in the mail today. So if I die prematurely, my mom and my aunt will have access to my EPF funds without having to battle it out with them.

Name your EPF nominee today.

------------------------

Is it true that as couples get comfortable with each other, all they want to do in their free time is stay home? Watch DVD, play Guitar Hero, but basically stay at home and chill? Our plan to go to Shangrila lounge for drinks on Saturday night has not materialized. Heck, we slept at 730pm last Saturday night. I'm getting a tad worried, even though I'm mighty fine with just staying at home.

So should we push ourselves to go out even though we want to stay at home? In the name of not becoming a boring old pair?

Case in point - He booked us a room at One World Hotel for the NY Eve celebrations. We were late so we didn't manage to get the room facing the fireworks. After dinner, we hardly bothered to make an effort to walk out to watch the fireworks. In fact, it took considerable effort just to stay barely awake til midnight, when the fireworks began. Out of habit more than desire, I hopped out of the bed to dutifully see if I could catch any fireworks. I did, saw the entire fireworks reflection in the opposite building's windows.

Me: Dear, dear, look. We can see fireworks after all, its reflected from opposite... *presses nose against window as if that will help me see the fireworks better*

Him: *unintelligible mumbling*

Me: Dear... what? come see...

Him: *grunt and rolls over to face the other side*

Me: Sleeping already ar?

Him: *grunts in acknowledgement*

Me: *contemplates whether to pull up a chair to watch the display* *eyes too heavy* *goes back to bed* *fast asleep within minutes*

How la. I don't want to become one half of a boring, dusty musty couple.

If I Died Today

I've received so many happy new year messages, all wishing the same thing from the last one. Good health, wealth, happiness, love and luck. While I'm grateful that my friends still think of me enough to send me sms-es, these sms-es are the reason why I'm not a message sender at New Year's or Christmas or any other holiday, for that matter.

They're just so overdone, it's meaningless. Even if you sent it with great hopes and a full heart for the receiver, it's just going to end up as one of the many text messages in their inbox. I prefer to be there when it matters - when they're getting married, or when life throws them a curveball. But most people don't realize it, it's the very few who know my silence means a committed presence when they need it the most.

It also doesn't help that the many text messages seem to say the same thing. A language can be crippling and sadly inadequate at times, y'know? So most of the time we say "wish u good luck and good health and love etc etc" when we actually mean -

"I really care what happens to you, and want nothing but the best for you. But I also hope that you'll be happy enough such that if you died today, you'd still be satisfied."

But of course, it's just not civilly correct to talk about the transcience of life in a Happy New Year's message, which is why I end up not sending any at all, other than 'have a happy night tonight'.

-------------------------

Speaking of dying today, I have been surprised by Mouse.

Mouse and I did a last minute spur of the moment getaway to Avillion Port Dickson on the 29th - our special NY Eve celebration since this year I'd be spending it with the boyfriend instead of her.

We ended up eating great seafood at Weng Yin Seafood Village (500m down the road from Thistle Port Dickson) without paying through our noses - RM60 for a whole fish, prawns and squid dishes. Yeah, thats for two people, not per pax price. We read Cecilia Ahern while drinking Moscato Rose, at least, I read Cecilia Ahern til 4am while Mouse snored her guts out by midnight. She got to enjoy her favourite old love songs at Cumulus, the adult only bar at Thistle (which we regretted not staying at because Avillion was full to the brim with screaming kids) while I indulged in my usual natty jibes at other people (I'd like to say I don't mean it sometimes, but most of the time, you can't help agreeing that there's some truth in what I say, yo)

I mean, what else can you say about the girlfriend of the hot Cristiano Ronaldo lookalike sitting at the table next to us whom Mouse was practically drooling over, except "They're so mismatched. Her face looks like it was used to sweep the floor ten times."

Which, in my defence, it WAS true. And Mouse seemed secretly pleased even though she was vehemently calling me "mean". All for a friend, all for a friend. If that girl had best female buds, they'd be saying I had the face of the surface of Krakatoa, thanks to the zit eruption I suffered due to Avillion's musty pillowcases.

But the shocker wasn't anything that came out of my mouth.

Mouse and I had just checked out of the hotel and we were driving home. I asked Mouse thoughtfully,

"So, do you think you've done alot for this year?"

To which Mouse replied, "Yeah, I think so. I think, if I died today, I'd die happy wei. I did quite alot of things already."

"You mean, you wouldn't feel regret or anything?"

"No, why should I? Alot of people keep looking forward forward, but you never know right, you could die anytime. I think I'd die happy. I did enough for now already lor."

That's Mouse for you, in her own words.

-------------

I can't help but keep looking 'forward forward'. That's why I need people like Mouse, and my boyfriend, to keep reminding me that I'm doing enough.

Happy New Year, y'all.

And yes, I think you did enough. In fact, I'm sure you have. Like-minded souls always do.