What's right or what's easy

I always believed I brought a lot to the table in a relationship. And in times like this, when the pain threatens to blind you from all directions - I've lost count and given up trying to label whichever direction anymore - I can't help but ask through all the anguish ,"all I asked for was time, just a little bit more patience as I grapple with what is an entire change in my life, and I could have given the world once you let me feel safe"

That was all I ever asked and hoped for. I never ask for money, never demand much time, all I want is just an acceptance of my flaws, an acknowledgment that I am trying, and just a silent understanding that my intentions are nothing but true but I need time to work it out. No, I was not seen that way. I was held to a timeline not of my doing, there was no room for me anywhere, not being told until an explosion (of sorts) happens.

Similar to another situation 8 years ago, all I asked for was "where do you think we are going?" No demands, light questioning, all while I was maintaining and building all other parts of my life. 

I could have fought and I could have given the world. 

But instead, I feel so extinguished, robbed, betrayed. 

I honestly don't ask for much. Why, when I have so much to give? 

I know this wave will pass. I steel myself with all the memories of the past hurts, past brushes with the bottom, knowing I survived it and I just wait for the strength to come back again. 

Please, give me strength. To accept and not be bitter. 

I will live with purpose, and I know I will still adhere to what's right. Even if what's right hurts. When you lose direction, the only thing that will guide you towards a good, fulfilling life, is knowing you did something morally right. And not taking the easy way out. Even though easy looks so tempting, easy could lead me further off the path. 

I would not be able to live with myself.
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Plunging into the next few weeks with almost-weekly travelling again.

Scaling back in this role has afforded some mental space, but apparently the mule-like travelling continues.....